When preparing to have sex for the very first time ever or for the first time after a period of celibacy, it’s not uncommon to have lots of questions and experience a number of overwhelming emotions. In fact, these emotions are also experienced by those who may have been having sex for a long time.
If you’re reading this, then it means you’re on the right track to having a great experience.
Sex comes with a lot of responsibility which is why if you’re not sure whether you’re ready to engage in it yet, you should bookmark this article and come back to it when you are 100 percent sure.
Here are a few key tips and guidelines to keep in mind when having sex:
Be sure you’re ready
The decision to have sex has to come from a strong desire for it. If you’re feeling forced or pressured to have sex, then DON’T do it.
This is probably the reason why you’re reading this. Knowledge is power. There is a lot of helpful information on the internet that could assist in relieving any “first-time” anxiety. Listen to podcasts, watch videos, and consume content from trusted platforms. But do not dwell on the negatives. Remember, not everyone’s first-time experience will be the same.
Talk about it
Don’t be shy to talk with your potential partner about what you’d like to do to each other. It is important to set the mood, flirt, exchange pictures, and sext. Do whatever you need to do to build anticipation.
After building up the anticipation, look the part and smell nice. Beyond boosting your confidence, it could also help in setting the mood by building anticipation for your intended partner.
It is important to ensure your fingernails are clean because your fingers have the tendency to go into a lot of places inside the body, therefore, ensuring they’re clean prevents transmission of germs.
Buy a lubricant
Just buy it.
The fear of pain and injuries during the first time tends to make you nervous. There are a lot of stories about it having to be painful. -It doesn’t have to be. The vagina is a muscular structure in the body, therefore, the pain that is often experienced is due to the stretching of the vagina and hymen—a membranous covering in the vagina—in people with a vagina. Another major cause of the pain could be increased friction due to inadequate lubrication of the vagina by natural secretions. Hence, generous use of a lubricant can reduce the risk of cuts and pain and also heighten the pleasure tenfold.
There are two common types of lubricants – silicone-based and water-Based. Water-based lubricants are best used with latex condoms. If you’re nervous about going to buy it by yourself, you could go with a friend or your intended partner. Doing that could also help in bonding and building anticipation. While you’re at it, don’t forget to pick up condoms too.
Have a contraceptive method
If you’re not engaging in sex for the purpose of achieving pregnancies, then it is imperative to use contraceptives.
Do STD screening
Trust opens the door to vulnerability, which is an important way to allow yourself to fully enjoy the experience. By being honest about your STD statuses, you both help to create an atmosphere where it’s easier to trust each other and ultimately have that intimate experience. Still, if in doubt, always use a condom.
Set the mood
You could create a playlist of sensual songs that could help get you in the mood. Ensure you’re both comfortable. If you’re into scented candles and petals, that could also help. Dimming the lights also creates a sensual atmosphere that will help relax your nerves.
Take your time
There’s going to be healthy tension, let it build up. Do not rush to finish; rather enjoy each moment and act. Remember that foreplay is the fire that cooks the broth. Take your time to explore each other’s bodies and communicate what you’re comfortable with or otherwise. Be spontaneous.
Tone it down on the risks
While it’s important to go with the flow and let things happen as they come, the first time may not be the best time to try out all the Kama Sutra positions you’ve read about. Take it slow and build up from there. You don’t want to spend the days after your first sexual experience in the hospital nursing sprains and muscle tears.
Keep an open mind
It’s easy to think the first time defines how the rest of your sex life will go, but it’s not the case. However your first time is, it can be better. The goal is to intentionally commit to having great experiences each time. The way to do that is to keep learning about your body, what you are comfortable with or otherwise, and how to please your partner and to keep an open mind to the endless blissful possibilities each time.
Finally, try again!
Precious Dasaolu is a content writer, freelance editor, poet, and spoken word artist. With passion for women’s rights and female empowerment, most of her pieces (spoken and written) are centered on raising awareness on gender-based violence and promoting self-awareness, self-esteem, and confidence. Connect with her on social media via Twitter: @PreciousDasaolu and on Instagram: @Oluwapelumi_d.
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