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How does the ghoster feel after ghosting someone, and more reflections here

How does the ghoster feel after ghosting someone, and more reflections here

Spending a few days waiting for the answer after a simple, “Hello,” was enough to understand it; once again, a girl with whom I had matched on Tinder had ghosted me.

What’s the point of dishing out likes and then never replying again? For the women reading this story, I invite you to explain to me in the comments why you would not answer the first ‘hello’ after a match.

I’m an eternal victim of ghosting

I’m 35 years old, I’m an artist and one month ago I registered on the app looking for some fun. It took me a while to choose photos that made me look more interesting. I typed something very light as a description, and then I started the match game.

I haven’t used dating apps in the past because I spent almost seven years in a relationship, from which I’ve just recovered. Almost six months after I broke up with my ex, I decided that it was time to get back in the game and have a good time.

Out of the 15 girls I’ve matched with on Tinder this month, six never replied to my first greeting, and three of them have sent very basic messages and never replied again.

Can anyone explain this to me?

Is there a reason people don’t reply on Tinder, or is it just a coincidence that so many girls do this?

When, after talking for a while, you lose interest or the other person does, the cycle continues, and you are left with the feeling of having tried, but hey, isn’t it still better to make your feelings clear and not just disappear?

But every time I get a match notification, I never get a reply after saying hello and this makes me really curious and sometimes anxious.

Could it be that women enjoy swiping photos to the right or left more than actually talking to the stranger behind the screen?

My first Tinder Conversation

Katrina, 26 years old, red hair, brown eyes with a cute smile. A few minutes after we matched, she invited me for a drink at a place not far from where I live.

We were almost neighbours, for sure we had crossed paths a few times around the neighbourhood, but we had not caught each other’s attention.

I met her the next day, we had a few beers and it became evident why we never caught each other’s attention in the past. There was not enough chemistry between us for something to work out.

That spark that lights up on its own and is uncontrollable, that body impulse that makes you stare at someone, even when you know you’ll be embarrassed if they notice, was missing
We just didn’t have it. So, that same night after getting home, she explained to me in the same spontaneous and fresh way that she greeted me that she did not see the possibility of something else and that she would rather have a friendship.

And there it was, a quiet, comfortable, and honest ending.
The Ghosting Phenomenon on Tinder

From Tinder ghosting to real ghosting

One afternoon after work, my best friend invited me over for a few beers and a little chat. We spent a good part of the time talking about our lives, she also told me about her recent trip, and I complained about my coworkers … you know those typical comforting chats between two friends that just want to hang out.

Cami is a woman full of life, cute and super smart, but she has a hard time establishing romantic relationships. She prefers free sex, casual encounters, and good friendships.

While we were talking, her cell phone rang, and I noticed she was annoyed when she checked the screen.

Later on, as if by magic, as if destiny was sending me an answer, she told me: “There is a guy who has been texting me for four days in a row. I haven’t answered him once, and I really haven’t felt like undoing the match.”

Right in front of me, there was another man who was a victim of ghosting, and the perpetrator was my best friend.

The explanation of how my friend felt after ghosting a guy

I couldn’t resist asking her why she wouldn’t just answer him. This was her answer: “Juan, I was super bored the day I was using Tinder. I just swiped a few times and that was it; I fell asleep afterwards. The truth is that I don’t feel like going out right now or meeting anyone, I don’t feel like anything. I was just killing some time before going to bed.”

And as if the person behind the screen didn’t exist, she unlocked her cell phone, came up to me, and showed me how to unmatch on Tinder.

At that moment I felt a strange feeling of emptiness in my stomach. I recalled all the times that after I had exchanged a couple of words with someone, the person simply disappeared from my records.

I spent many nights wondering if the fact that these women never got back to me again had anything to do with how I looked or the way I talked. Maybe they thought I was boring? Did they regret matching with me after detailing my photos? Did I look ugly or uninteresting?

Me: A victim of ghosting

A Victim of Ghosting

What seemed like an opportunity to have fun and meet potential partners had become a trigger for my insecurities, fears, and complexes.

Being a victim of ghosting scarred me!

When I got home that night, I decided to face my own fears and open the app again. This time, I was not swiping my finger from left to right, but from top to bottom.

I spent almost one hour reading all the conversations I had had.

In this first phase, that I called digital emotional cleansing, I focused on identifying those conversations in which I got no answers at all, and I did exactly what Cami showed me, I “unmatched”.

Then, I went to bed, much calmer and leaving some of my insecurities behind.

Now, when I greet a girl, and a few days go by and she does not get back to me, I no longer waste my time saying hello again and speculating about the many things that I might be missing or that are wrong with me.

Thanks to my talk with Cami, I’ve finally understood that all human beings are different, that some just use the apps as another distraction, and that when a woman on the app doesn’t reply to me, it has more to do with her than with me.

Just like Cami, there are many girls who just use Tinder to pass the time and many others that take a chance on the photo, but not on the opportunity!

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