Everyone needs some good love and pleasure; and each and every person seeks it in different ways.
In the breeze, I hear a whisper: friends with benefits. Yes! I screamed. Ha! Friends with benefits works best. It has become a notable trend amongst young people and I wanted to try.
As my biological system speaks to me through my ovulation period, I picked up my phone and quickly scrolled through my contact list. Who could be up for this, I thought.
I texted my crush and a few others. Waiting to get a notification on my phone was like forever. And then ding! A friend replied to my flirty messages and so started my journey of “friends with benefits”.
His reply was surprising but I couldn’t care less why he was interested. I mean, it is about me.
I have been living on my own, in an apartment. My home became the place where I would get all the pleasures I sought in this world. I would text “My place?” and he would reply with an emoji; and within 5 minutes, he would drive to my end and we would ride each other until we came.
I can swear dude was all sorts of lit! He just knew my spots exactly and how to touch and caress me. His well-built body was all I had to hang on. Hearing the knock on my door sometimes had my clits responding before I could get to the door. And it’s no long talks… we always get down to business right from the door. His well-shaved face was the call. Rocking my world and giving heads was his speciality and his fingers played my guitar so well.
We would try different styles and after hours of calling for the ancestors, he and I would climax together in a cacophony of grunts and ‘Oh-Gods’. You know when the dick is so righteous that you just remain in the pose that brought you to climax for minutes on end after it’s over? There I was, downward facing dog, bent knees in bliss — with a smirk on my face wishing I can have this for the rest of my life.
That is when friends with benefits arrangement starts to get tricky.
I missed my period! What? I was scared as hell for being pregnant… for him. Being on pills, I told myself not to worry but deep down, I was freaking out. And when I checked my diary, I realised I missed some days, especially when this friends with benefits thing started. I guess I was thinking more about my satisfaction than prevention. Of course, the dick was good. Don’t blame me! I needed a way out ASAP and emergency contraceptives came through for me like a superman!
“Casual” was what I was looking for, but the connection was strong enough to merit further conversation to see what could be possible. But then again, as beautiful as the connection was, I wasn’t willing to risk sacrificing my well-being – my ability to be sexually free and explore – for sex with him.
I thought to myself, variety is the spice of life. There has to be another way to satisfy my needs for sex and not just with him. I moved on to a different connection, so I have a variety of pleasure. That helped reducing the emotional bond and brought focus back on my desires, my pleasure.
Important tip: Never do friends with benefits without being on a contraceptive method because pregnancy scare is real and missing periods can be a headache. Having an unwanted pregnancy, especially when it’s the last thing on your mind, is not worth it.
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About the author: Mokobi is a sexual and reproductive health activist and feminist. She is a bold advocate for the rights of women.