This blog is inspired by Emma Achieng’s video commemorating International Women’s Day 2022. The video was sponsored by Findmymethod.org as part of a joint #Breakthestigma campaign with safe2choose.org and howtouseabortionpill.org.
The female orgasm is often overlooked. Why? Because a woman does not need to orgasm in order to reproduce. Men, on the other hand, must orgasm and ejaculate semen to reproduce. As a result, most (if not all) women do not experience orgasms during penetrative sex. In contrast, 100% of all men experience orgasms from penetrative sex.
The orgasm panorama
Let’s dive a little deeper. Most women get frustrated if an orgasm is not a direct result of penetrative sex, and often feel pressured to orgasm through penetration alone. This pressure can stem from a misbelief that vaginal orgasms are somehow superior to clitoral orgasms (we can thank Freud for this one). The clitoris, however, is the primary sexual organ for all women. And it’s not just the bean that you can see on the vulva, it actually extends into the anterior walls of the vagina. So in theory, any internal stimulation of the vaginal walls is still considered a clitoral orgasm.
Perhaps another reason women feel pressured to achieve vaginal orgasm stems from the fact that men so easily orgasm through penetration. However, it’s important to remember the different types of stimulation required by men and women in order to achieve an orgasm. This being said, trying to acheive a female orgasm solely based on penetrative sex can be quite difficult. You almost always have to include some type of clitoral or g-spot stimulation, or both.
One way to do this is by using your fingers (or your partner’s fingers) as well as sex toys. So what if you’ve ‘been there, done that’, and would like to experience penetrative orgasm without external support?
Some tips for achieving orgasms
Well we’ve got you covered, Here a few techniques recommended by clinical sexologist Dr Lindsey Doe, that you can try out.
Five possible techniques for achieving an orgasm
A) Instead of riding your partners using the traditional “up and down” movement try a back and forth grinding motion instead. Imagine you’re grating a carrot, with your man’s pubic bone being the grater and your vagina being the carrot. This motion will ensure your clitoris is rubbing against your partner’s pubic bone, thus increasing stimulation.
B) If your partner has a beer belly (Kitambi in Swahili), have them sit up higher. This will tighten their abs, making it easier to rub your clitoris against them as you ride.
C) Try some good old fashioned missionary. Other positions such as doggy-style do not stimulate the vaginal walls as much as the face-to-face positions such as missionary or cowgirl.
D) Try rolling a towel and placing it in between both your bodies. The added friction will help you to increase clitoral stimulation.
E) Work on your angles! To achieve optimal vaginal wall stimulation, the penis should penetrate the vagina at 30 to 45 degrees.
Of course, you can always try out more positions and styles and discover what works best for you. Even among women we do see variations in anatomy. Specifically the distance between the clitoris and the vagina opening. The shorter the distance, the higher the likelihood of having an orgasm during penetration.
In any case, we can all agree that orgasms feel good. So let’s focus on enjoying the experience with our partners. Take deep breaths, communicate and be open to try new things.
Remember to use the appropriate contraceptive to protect you against STDs/STIs and to prevent an unwanted pregnancy from occuring. Visit findmymethod.org to find the right method for you.
- Hitschmann E, Bergler E. In: Frigidity in women: its characteristics and treatment. Weil PL, translator. Nervous and Mental Disease Publications; Washington: 1936. [Google Scholar] This text is important for its strict definition of frigidity as failure to reach vaginal orgasm. This conception has shaped the subsequent debate about vaginal and clitoral orgasms
- Lloyd E. The Case of the Female Orgasm: Bias in the Science of Evolution. Harvard University Press; Cambridge, MA: 2005. [PubMed] [Google Scholar]
- Narjani A. Considerations sur les causes anatomiques de frigidite chez la femme. Bruxelles-Medical. 1924;27:768–778. [Google Scholar]
- Wallen, K., & Lloyd, E. A. (2011). Female sexual arousal: genital anatomy and orgasm in intercourse. Hormones and behavior, 59(5), 780–792.
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