What is outercourse?
According to Cosmopolitan, the term “outer sex” was forged in the 1980s by Carol Queen, a sexologist and author who wanted people to understand the difference between “sex” and all the other sexually pleasurable things that people can enjoy without penetrative sex.
Outercourse is viewed as intimate or sexual activities that do not involve penis-in-vagina sex (non penetrative sex). While you might abstain from vaginal sex, you may still able to practice other sexual activities. Based on how different people define sex, some people view outer sex intimacy as a form of abstinence (4).
Just like abstinence, the definition of outer sex varies. For some people, outer sex is anything that does not include penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth, while others view it as any sexual activity including vaginal, anal, and oral penetration that does not involve a penis. Depending on your definition, below are activities that may count as outer sex.
Activities viewed as outer sex
Anal sex
This can be practiced by individuals across all genders and sexes with a penis or a sex toy. The toys used for anal sex may be different from the ones used for vaginal penetration.
While some people view anal sex as a form of abstinence, some consider it to be a complete form of sex that does not fall under abstinence or outer sex.
Regardless of what you categorize anal sex as, you must always take precautions from the risk of contracting an STI by
– using protection (an external or internal condom is recommended);
– not using the same toy on both the vagina and anus without cleaning it first; and
– maintaining proper anal hygiene.
Oral sex
This involves your partner using their mouth on any of your pleasure zones, including your genitals. With good communication, oral sex can be an enjoyable way of pleasuring your partner. Some individuals do not view oral sex as a form of abstinence or outer sex.
Regardless, oral sex does not protect you or your partner from contracting STIs. Make sure to stay safe by using a latex barrier, like a condom or dental dam. This will prevent vaginal and seminal fluids, or any other harmful substances from various parts of your partner’s body, from entering your mouth.
Manual stimulation of your partner
Partners can pleasure each other using other parts of their bodies, including hands and fingers (fingering).
Dry humping
This involves grinding against your partner’s body to achieve pleasure. This could include a simulation of sex without actually removing your clothes.
Using sex toys
This involves the stimulation of your or your partner’s erotic spots using inanimate items made specifically for sexual activities and pleasure. There are various sex toys made for different activities.
Just like oral and anal sex, some people do not consider the use of sex toys as a form of sexual abstinence or outer sex. Others view it as such, simply because it does not involve penis-in-vagina sex.
While sex toys cannot cause pregnancy, they can spread sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If using sex toys, always ensure that you maintain a high standard of hygiene and adhere to the following safety precautions:
– Always remember to clean your toys with mild soap after use.
– Do not share sex toys, especially those used for penetration. If you decide to share, ensure that you use a condom over the shared item.
– Avoid using the same toy for simultaneous anal and vaginal penetration. Clean the toy used for anal penetration before using it elsewhere.
Kissing
It is generally not considered to be a form of sex. Some couples prevent pregnancy by enjoying the practice of kissing while avoiding any kind of penetrative sexual activity.
Mutual masturbation
To some couples, mutual masturbation (masturbating with your partner) is viewed as one way of avoiding penetrative sex and the consequent risk of pregnancy.
Massage
Sharing an intimate massage with your partner can afford sexual pleasure to couples who are on an abstinence journey (6).
Can you get pregnant from outer sex?
Yes. This happens when sperm enters the vagina. For example, when an erect penis touches a vagina, when a partner ejaculates very close to a vagina, or when fingers that come into contact with seminal fluids are in contact with a vagina before being cleaned.
Any sexual activity that does not involve the introduction of seminal fluids into a vagina cannot result in a pregnancy.
Can you get sexually transmitted infections from outer sex?
Yes. Having outer sex does not protect you from an STI. Some infections are transmitted orally, anally, or through skin-to-skin contact.
Is “sexual soaking” a form of outer sex?
“Sexual soaking” is a term made famous by Mormon teenagers on TikTok. They describe “soaking” as a sexual practice where penetrative sex is practiced but without any form of hip thrusting or movement. In literal terms, a man inserts his penis into a vagina, then just lies there without engaging in any subsequent thrusting. The practice is common among unmarried Mormons, and those practicing it do not view it a sex act.
While the definition of “soaking” by those who practice it is pegged on the moral belief that penetration without thrusting is not sex (and therefore it is not a “sin”), this practice can result in pregnancy or an STI.
When can you have outer sex?
– When your partner is not interested or ready for penetrative sex.
– When you are not using any form of contraceptives.
– If you are using a fertility awareness method and the female partner is in her fertility window.
– If you or your partner have an infection or condition that may prevent both or either of you from enjoying penis-in-vagina sex.
