Taking back control of your sex life
Pandemic fatigue has been real! What we thought was just going to be a two week lock-down (laughs at our naïveté) turned into one of the longest season of staying at home, minimal interaction and unfortunately, a halt on our sex lives in many ways. Whether you’re in your 20’s or your 50’s, this pandemic has limited your ability to see people, interact and engage—all necessary tools for a healthy sex life, and it can often feel like your sex hay days are wafting away into the distance, never to be seen again.
With this blog, I will provide you with what I think are some necessary tools to take back control of your sex life, pandemic or no pandemic. Sex is important, a necessary social engagement and crucial release mechanism and I hope we can get those juices flowing (if you know what I mean).
1. Try a new dating app
If you were ever on the fence about dating using applications, this is your sign to just go for it. With in person interactions limited and fraught with fear of transmitting the virus, it can be hard to get to know different people, whether as an individual or as a couple. But lucky for us, we have an array of dating apps that can help us bridge the gap. From Tinder to Bumble to Grindr, these applications can expose us to new people, while allowing us to get to know them from the safety of our own homes—you only need to go out when you wish to have sex, and even if that isn’t possible—sexting is a possibility to. Just remember to practice digital safety as well as physical safety. You and your partner/s should get tested for sexually transmitted infections as well as COVID-19 (do I sense a package deal in the works?). In addition, using a contraceptive can help protect from unwanted pregnancy, and if you get stuck in the heat of the moment, remember the Emergency Contraceptive pill, such as PostPil, is also an option.
2. Role Play
Many people have their own apprehensions about role play, sometimes it can be awkward and not everyone’s cup of tea. However, I think we have reached the part of this pandemic where even the people we love can become slightly annoying (no distance to make the heart grow fonder if you get me) and role play might be a great way to reignite the sparks. Can’t go out and be with different people? Become the different people yourselves. Choosing a character or even the one cute guy you and your partner both agree would make for a great threesome can bring back the spontaneity and novelty of sex that we all miss. And if it doesn’t work for you eventually, you lose nothing from trying.
3. Have sex in different places
Remember when we were young and had sex everywhere, even when it didn’t make sense? It might be time to bring that version of ourselves back. Try the backyard, the balcony at night or the kitchen counter. The place doesn’t matter, the simple fact that it is somewhere new will get you and your partner excited again about your intimacy. So go ahead, put a dent in the washing machine while you’re at it and laugh at the memory forever.
4. Try a new sex toy
It doesn’t have to be fancy, it could even be that you try our a new lube or a new condom brand—regardless, bringing something different to the sex table can help with fatigue we are all feeling. Vibrators, butt plugs and cock rings are just a few of the many fun toys that can elevate your sex game and there is no better time than now to experiment, because who knows how long this thing will last?
So whether taking advantage of your digital platforms to spice up your sex life, or practicing some new things at home, there are still many ways in which you can have control of your sex life. The ends of this pandemic are unknown and simply nurturing a healthy, consensual and safe sex life can help in dealing with the inevitable fatigue of staying at home.
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About the author: Marie-Simone Kadurira is a Reproductive Health consultant in Southern Africa. She is also the founder of Vasikana Vedu. It is a non for profit organization which combats period poverty in the region.