3 sex lessons I learnt from Christmas
Growing up, Christmas was that one major event of the year that not just me as a child looked forward to but also the entire nation of Nigeria. A quick backstory; I am a Nigerian – the party rockers of the continent, so Christmas is a big deal. It is the time when transport companies increase their fares because of high demand and streets are decorated with Christmas lights several weeks in advance.
Most citizens actually travel back to their hometown to spend time with family and friends and offices organize celebratory parties. Seasons greetings are exchanged as stores play Christmas-themed songs, children shop for glasses, dresses, shoes and fireworks, and some families decorate their homes with red and green decorations.
As a child, I lived in my hometown so I didn’t get to travel. A few weeks before Christmas, my mum would go to get a cow from the herdsman; my parents are farmers so we grow almost everything we eat from rice, tomatoes to peppers. But it was almost never enough so we bought more. We prepared the ingredients for the event; the cow cooked and fried, pepper and tomatoes ground and parboiled, veggies sorted and rinsed.
We also baked pastries and refrigerated drinks for those who didn’t want to eat heavy meals; we sorted out yam for pounding so people had a variety to choose from.
On Christmas day, we cooked and set a table in the compound; there was usually a variety of food so families, friends and neighbors could choose what they prefered.
We also packed foods and drinks to give to those who might not have so much to eat; this was one of my favorite things about Christmas. In the evening, we exchanged gifts; and on the Boxing Day we got to give gifts to the less privileged or to a charity we previously promised to give gifts to. All of these are the reasons I look forward to Christmas; it just made me really happy to actively participate and put smiles on the faces of people.
So, what has this got to do with sex anyway? You might ask. Well, the reasons why a lot of us look forward to Christmas are:
Almost every part of the world celebrates Christmas; the acceptance is global. The same way, we should accept sex as something normal and a part of normal human existence. This attitude will make us discuss it openly and honestly; and actively participate in it without shame, fear or judgement.
2) Active participation
I am a strong believer that sex should be mutually beneficial to all the parties involved; this can happen if everyone participates actively with consent. Imagine sex where all partners involved engage in it actively and also determine what they want.
This one comes naturally when you do the above two properly. You create beautiful sex memories that make you anticipate more pleasurable sex. It is just like having a sexual reservoir. A special place in your brain with beautiful memories that you can always check up and smile.
Today on Christmas day, I hope we can adopt the holiday spirit in our sex life and enjoy it as much as we enjoy Christmas.
I wish you a merry Christmas and a blissful year ahead.
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About the author: Amos Sanasi is a demographer, sexologist and the founder of Nigeria’s first sex-positive brand Revaginate NG which disseminates comprehensive sex information and sexual accessories, especially for those with disabilities. She tweets at @thesanasi