Orgasm cheat sheet: Things to try next time you have sex
Amazing sex comes with intent; it doesn’t just happen. This month, I will be sharing tricks and tips for you to experience a variety of orgasms the next time you have sex.
That is my favorite thing about great sex; there isn’t only one way to orgasm. But regardless of the kind of orgasm you have and want to have, there are some necessary things that you need to do; which I will discuss now:
Sex is as much an emotional activity as it is a physical one. There are instances where individuals are physically aroused but mentally unaroused (this is called arousal non-concordance).
The main point of having sex is to feel pleasure, which comes with being comfortable in your body. Understanding that sex can be messy is important; it isn’t always as smooth as shown in porn. Getting rid of unrealistic expectations can reduce sexual anxiety and make it more pleasurable.
You can have sex without intimacy and be intimate without having sex. Just like there are a myriad of orgasms, there are also various forms of intimacies, all of which foster trust, closeness, and honest communication. This also establishes safety. Having sex with a partner you feel safe with reduces your level of sexual anxiety. A sense of safety also makes communication much easier.
Research has also shown that intimacy promotes a better sex life. Next time you are having sex, be honest about what feels pleasurable. Try selecting foreplay activities together with your partner. You could also curate your sex playlist together. Steps as simple as these promote trust and foster honest conversation.
Use the cheat code
Sex doesn’t have to follow a certain, strict script for you to attain orgasm. There are many innovations that make sex a whole lot easier and pleasurable. Ranging from magic wand, nipple clamps to cock rings, there are tools that heighten pleasure and make orgasms easier to attain.
Remember, one method doesn’t work for everyone and that is why there’s a huge variety of options that you can choose from.
Also, don’t be threatened by sex toys. Accessories are created to enhance and not replace sexual experience. It’s a good time to unlearn this habit, if you have it.
Build your sexual reservoir
We always want to relive pleasant experiences from the past. For example, retrying the amazing food we tasted earlier; meeting someone again we had previously spoken to. It’s natural for us to crave good things we have experienced before.
Sex is no different. When you have great sex, you think about it. You smile and want to experience it again. Remembering the amazing experience and anticipating it is how you build your sexual reservoir.
If you haven’t had any sexual experience worth reliving, it’s absolutely fine. Think about your sexual fantasies, read erotica, and watch ethical porn. Your brain will figure out what you might find pleasurable and you will automatically build sexual anticipation.
Go big on foreplay
Foreplay does wonders. During foreplay, our brain gets the message to prepare our body and mind for sex.
The vagina gets wider and longer; and begins to self-lubricate. For those who enjoy penetration, this helps. The clitoris also becomes erect and the nerves of your clitoris, breast and skin become sensitive. The arousal also heightens your senses. For those with a penis, blood flows in, making it erect. You might also find your anus throbbing.
Stimulation is one way to build pleasure and an important part of foreplay. This heightened pleasure leads to orgasm.
I do hope you try out these tricks and have amazing orgasms. Remember, orgasms are like sports; the more you practice, the stronger they become.
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About the author: Amos Sanasi is an award-winning sex educator who specializes in sexual enlightenment. Her book “BDSM CHEAT SHEET” is a beginner’s guide for those who want to be kink-positive. She is also the founder of West Africa’s first sex-Ed tech startup RevaginateNG. She tweets at @thesanasi.